you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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