2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
