we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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