only you would photoshop your dick
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
