Don't you send me to vm
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
