I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
