Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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