Why does Corona taste like a burp?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I deserve this hangover.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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