Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
