Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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