You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
