totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize