he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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