ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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