These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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