Rock
Scissors
Fuck
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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