I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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