Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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