So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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