i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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