i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
