they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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