you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
