Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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