My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
