I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to calm my uterus...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
