Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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