I wannas sexs uuuuu
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
