for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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