All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
