Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
