The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
