If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
