we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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