I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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