corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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