all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
so much tequila, so little girl.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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