It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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