my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
