just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
