dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Randomize