We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
