Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
