Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
