If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
