Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
