Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to make out with him forever
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
