This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
