At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
