Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize