I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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