Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
