I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
