Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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