my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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