I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
