i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
