I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think a kid would responsible me up
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
