..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
