I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
