after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
