Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
