You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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