What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
