my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
