john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
