I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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