Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
